it isn't the night waking.
the worst part isn't having to get up and change a diaper or a wet through outfit.
it isn't walking downstairs, half asleep, waiting for the tap water to warm up to make a bottle.
the worst part isn't bringing a baby into your bed for the night.
it isn't even the disappointment you get when your significant other doesn't pull what you feel to be his or her share of the duties in the middle of the night.
the worst part is hearing that what you're doing, what has worked just fine in your mind for somewhere between eight months and five years, is maybe not what you "should" be doing. forget whether the "should" holds any merit. the worst part is waking up at 12.30am, knowing your standard routine that keeps everyone relatively rested is now this great big question mark that could potentially be harming your child just because someone you trust, and some quack in a book told you it might be so. so now what works turns into something you doubt. something that wasn't too bad plagues you as something you maybe should avoid, morphing a manageable routine into something by which you are mildly concerned and socially judged.
the next time my pediatrician asks if my son sleeps through the night without eating, i'm just going to lie and tell her yes.
I completely agree. The worst part about parenting is the doubt. No matter what my good intentions may be, they may not be good enough. I hate wondering if what I'm doing to calm my child today is going to have a bad effect in the long-run. It ties my stomach up into knots just thinking of all the ways we can unintentionally mess up our child. All I can hope for is that I do a slightly better job at raising her to have a good start in life than my mom did, who herself did much better than her own parents. I think the only thing you can hope for is to continue moving forward, one generation at a time.
ReplyDeleteOk, that ended up being very lecture-like. And you don't even know me! Ha! Good luck!
I have changed my view point over the years. I use to say that they need to learn to sleep on there own, but now I say what ever you need to do to get the whole family some good sleep is great. The only thing about feeding at night that I have heared about is that when they get teeth you don't want to give them milk because the milk could start to rott their teeth during the night if you don't brush them. I don't know if this is true but it makes sence to me.
ReplyDeleteThe self-doubt instilled at the brink of parenthood is excruciating. Funny that you're more affected by this on your second trip through infancy where Marci and I said eff-it and decided to do things our way. I suggest effing-it and doing it your way. No worries.
ReplyDeleteThat's right. I said "eff-it." Your blog's all slimey now.