Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Anatomy and Geography

Alright, I'm beginning a post here without really knowing how I am going to say what it is that I have to say. I do know that the nice thing to do, here at the beginning, is to provide full disclosure that matters usually considered 'Too much Information' are discussed below. It doesn't bother me; I've decided to plow ahead with the writing, but now plowing on with the reading is up to you... and I think we both know you've just stepped way too far to even THINK of turning back now. Well, for what it's worth, I do assure you, any discomfort you feel will be well worth it in the end.

Back data.... the TMI part: I just recently came off of my monthly period. Having two small children (read: zero privacy whatsoever), they often inquire about feminine hygiene practices. It's mostly old hat for the girl now that she is 7, and has seen a lot of this. The boy, however, specifically as he himself is potty training, is investigating potty rituals, and is now perceptive when practices are outside of the norm. Tampons- previously a fun, colorful wrapper yanked from a box, surrounding a chewy, fibrous lollipop- are now seen in action, and the questions swirl. I think lessons of anatomy, and safety are important at this age, so I have started telling the boy that, no, I am not putting something in my bottom (and he should not put things in his bottom)... I have specific girl parts that he does not have, and he has boy parts that I do not have. We talk about those parts, and talk about the fact that the girl parts are for having babies, and we talk about the fact that when women are old enough to have babies, but don't have babies, bleeding happens. I have always thought that I drench (pardon the pun) the conversation with more facts and detail than is actually digested, but I give them what I can, and usually at least some information is... (sorry) absorbed.

Forward leap: lunch today. Boy and I went to Whole Foods. It's usually a special treat for Mommy. No different today. We gathered yummy lunchings... a slice of pizza, items from the salad bar, a cup of soup, a roll. We sat side by side on the patio and ate heartily. He is often quite a conversationalist, and not a whispered one at that. So we communicated openly about many things... what we were eating, if we liked it, if we didn't, if we wanted to share, if one of us would finish something, what we were going to shop for next in the store, in what order, and how we weren't going to fuss when it was time to leave the fun parts.

We were there at the height of lunchtime, so the patio was far from empty. As we were close to being finished, the boy started picking up on other conversations around us. A man sitting behind him was on a cellphone discussing some fund raising for a cancer center. Beside him, a couple of working gentlemen at a table discussed their interests and global travels. I suppose one of the men started talking about China, because the boy excitedly proclaimed, "China! He said China! Mommy, you have a China! Girls have a china, and boys have penises..."

I choked a chuckle as I realized I was sitting in the middle of my real life. My real life, surrounded by curious people who were eating their lunches on a patio at Whole Foods, listening to an almost three year old little boy review his latest lesson. At lightning speed, my mind considered options of 1) correcting his phonetic misunderstanding of female anatomy or 2) applauding his attention to details learned at potty moments. I figured the best course of action would probably be to exploit his age appropriate attention span and quickly change the subject!

"Yes, Braeden. That's right... so, which gummy bunnies do you want to get, the green box or the orange box?" He fell for it. Public humiliation minimized.

Alright, so I have some work to do on clarifications.
At least the little guy will understand why we call our planet Mother Earth... what with her having a China.


  1. Thanks for making me smile tonight!!! My funniest is when Troy was walking in to the bathroom, and Marcy was handing him a tampon and asked "Daddy, do you need a tampon?" (Marcy was 3 at the time)...Miss you guys!

  2. I would go and wake Kayla up before we went to bed and had her go potty again. When I did that I noticed she stopped peeing in her diaper at night and that is when I took the diapers completely away. After I did that she still has only peed the bed once. Good luck!
    Potty Training For Girls

  3. AWESOME! The joy of "parts".

  4. "I have always thought that I drench (pardon the pun) the conversation with more facts and detail than is actually digested, but I give them what I can, and usually at least some information is... (sorry) absorbed."

    That is simply masterful.

  5. Haha, I can imagine this happening slow-mo, it would be a fantastic scene in a movie. Your winning answer was like picking the correct door. It may not have worked, but it did. woo!

  6. Awesome. And might I add that your blog's background image is weirdly and a bit grossly appropriate for today's post.