Monday, July 27, 2009

life without parole

last evening, i mowed my lawn. well, sort of. the word "lawn" implies... grass. i do have a trivial amount of grass, which resembles a lawn when i let it grow, and comb it sideways like a balding middle aged man hides his promiscuously stripping scalp. though i suspect it would be more appropriate to announce that last evening i mowed down dozens upon dozens of baby aspen trees that were initiating life on my property.

really, that sounds much more unpleasant a task than mowing a lawn, doesn't it? slicing down grass is essentially an expected chore of single family home residency. murdering small trees is... well... ungreen (would we call that red, per the color wheel?). i do foster the growth of some other little aspens. does that make me a better person?

i apologize to all of my crunchy granola friends for these actions i must take. consider: is murder in the name of my home owner's association justified?


  1. We have a lot of aspens in our yard too, so we are guilty of this crime too. It's really quite impressive how quickly an aspen grows, isn't it? We went through last year and murdered all the little trees that we felt like didn't have enough space to grow into pretty healthy big trees (is that discriminating against the handicapped trees?) but already this year there are tons more that are so big that it looks like they've been there for years!

    One thing that might make you feel a little better... I'm sure some of the trees that pretend to be your grassy yard are not individual trees since aspens often sprout out of other aspen's roots. I read once that it was arguable that the largest living thing on Earth was an aspen grove because it was actually all the same tree.

    So you're not murdering as many trees as you think... you're just amputating them. Hmmm... after hearing it that way, I don't think that makes you sound any less mean. =)

  2. hm. no. more mean maybe.
    yes, we have some nice grown ups at the front of the house, littering the yard with their spawn.

    when i first moved here, i thought, "what amazing little weeds! there are so many, and even if i get them all by the roots, we get more!" then my neighbor told me how the aspens grow.

    ... and i too have heard that about the largest organism being an aspen grove. see, now THAT makes me feel less monstrous! i'm not the largest organism on earth! THEY'RE the monsters!

    gee! thanks, niffer!

  3. I was going to make the same comment as aren't technically killing the Aspen since it is growing off one main tree. Feel better? lol